~ written by Connie Dunmyer
Have you ever been through a hedge maze – or maybe a corn maze? It's hard to see where to go – and you can get turned around pretty quickly. Hedges are tall and can even get pretty sharp, so you have to be careful.
God sometimes uses “hedges” in our lives. He will flat-out plop us into the middle of one, and our minds can be so full of fear, confusion and questions, that we even doubt His love. But God uses these hedges: to protect us, to protect a family member, or to force us to “look up” – to look to Him – because that’s the only clear place to see.
I am in a hedge. I don't know if I'm still in the middle, or maybe even the beginning. It is difficult, sometimes dark, and often painful. If you read my very first blog, you remember my prayer to God some years ago asking that He make me a fine cabernet sauvignon wine. So why would I think I would not be “hedged in” in order to protect such fruit.
At the risk of being too personal, and not at all professional – I am going to give you a glimpse into my hedge. I write out all of my prayers, my questions, my thoughts. Below, the remainder of this blog is my actual prayer & study time between me and God one year ago – as-is, and word-for-word. It is a conversation between Father and child. This is not about me. It is about how very personal and connected God is in each of our lives. We just have to be aware - to have eyes to see and ears to hear.
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Dear God,
I am overwhelmed at Your Presence with me here. I had no expectation of this. I was just going to do a normal study. BUT GOD . . . You showed up!!
Last night while I lay awake, I was praying for others, and then I found myself contemplating my trust of You. And I was thinking how I didn’t feel like I should be asking You anymore for what we need. That You will provide when it’s right. You already know all we need. And then I wondered if I was merely RESIGNING myself to the problem – rather that truly trusting. And I remember asking You to show me the difference. And so I assumed I would need to go back to the Trusting God book to find that place where he talks about that. Then as I was sitting here in my office, getting ready to spend my time with You, I decided to start with the “Grace Grows Best in Winter” Chapter 2 – just to read a little. And WOW - - how do You - - and more importantly WHY do You do these things for me. For as I began Chapter 2 – she speaks of Acceptance:
Peace will never come until we have accepted in totality ALL that is involved in our suffering, even facing and ACCEPTING the fact that the sorrow that has struck us so suddenly may never be removed. We must accept the worst and then hope, and trust, and work for the best.
And this is the part where I simply knew that You were talking to me directly:
It must be recognized . . . that it is not resignation, with its dangers of ensuing self-pity and the development of a martyr-complex. . . Acceptance is taking from God’s hand absolutely anything He chooses to give us, looking up into His face in love and trust, even in thanksgiving. Acceptance is knowing that the confines of the hedge are good, even perfect, however painful they may be, simply because He Himself has given them.
But how can we learn such acceptance? Certainly it is not to be found within our own human, rebellious hearts. WE MUST SEEK IT EARNESTLY FROM GOD, knowing that our Lord is always more ready to give His grace than we are to receive it. “God gives only good; His will and His ways are perfect.”
We must say them [these things we believe] repeatedly to ourselves in our hours of darkness, laying them on our hearts as a healing balm, EVEN THOUGH WE MAY NOT FEEL THEIR TRUTH BEING BORNED OUT IN OUR EXPERIENCE. Feeling, in fact, has nothing to do with it; WE CLING TO NAKED TRUTH AND STAKE OUR ALL ON THAT.
. . . Until one day . . . God has . . . given us the grace of a great acceptance.
Always it is initiated by an act of will on our part.
. . . Are you . . . seeking a way of escape? God’s way of escape is to make you ABLE TO BEAR IT. Seek HIS gift, for only with acceptance comes the blessing of His peace.
1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation [or testing] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
At the end of that chapter was a song – a hymn I’d never heard before: “O For a Faith That Will Not Shrink”. So I looked it up on Youtube. And what do I find, but a black church choir from St. Pancras Church in London singing it. For You not only want to give me words, You want me to have what I love - - one of those things being a black church choir. Then you throw in St. Pancras in London – and in my heart I’m already saying YEA GOD before they ever start. And yes – the words are beautiful and meaningful. And I swear the Holy Spirit filled my little office. And I “had church”!! I don’t know how else to explain it.
BUT GOD . . . In His Goodness, gave me “the answer”, “the connection”, “a song”, and even a “feeling” – all b/c I asked Him about it in the night – and all from unexpected places.
So since God would deem to reach down to me in my questions and fears, who am I that I should not HAVE A FAITH THAT WILL NOT SHRINK. Oh I cannot do it on my own. But I am in the beloved arms of the One Who Can and Who has promised He will provide a way out SO I can ENDURE it. This is probably not going away entirely. So God, in HIS faithfulness, is giving me the acceptance and the assurance, that He has it worked out. I am not “resigned” to this fact – I am instead standing on HIS faithfulness, and HIS truth, and HIS goodness, and HIS sovereignty, and OH HIS GRACE and Mercy . . . for me. I accept whatever He has BECAUSE I know He loves me. Period. I bring nothing to the table except me, myself & I. O for a faith that will not shrink – because I am connected to the One Who CANNOT shrink. I accept. I love. I trust. I thank You for this thorn. [“This Thorn” by Twila Paris]
Amen.
