written by Connie Dunmyer
Parenting is hard. Just ask Niles.
As we come up to Mother’s Day, I have to admit I’ve never cared for it. Now put away your fire and pitchforks, ladies – and hear me out. It’s not that I am opposed to a day that celebrates moms. I celebrated my mother every year before she went home with Jesus. But for me, it was like this big ol’ spotlight shining on me, making every imperfection visible to the world. Not physical imperfections, but “mommy” imperfections. I am an insecure mother. And I bet I’m not alone.
It’s not that I didn’t know how to take care of my children. I was the oldest of 7. I could “handle” kids with the best of ‘em. (I never kicked one child into the reflecting pool.) But what I found out is that I was better at “disciplining” my girls than teaching them to BE disciplined. I was better at the rules – and thus, finding fault – than teaching them about unconditional love.
Which is not to say my girls were difficult. Because they were so easy. They were always well behaved. Both could have full-on conversations with any adult in the room. And I never once worried that a police car was going to drive up to tell me they’d gotten into trouble. They were good Christians, and excellent 
preacher’s kids. They memorized Bible verses – and everyone in all of our churches loved them to pieces. They were “perfect”.
Except, of course, they weren’t. And unfortunately, I became the one with the “sandpaper” trying to smooth out all the rough edges – never leaving room for mistakes, or for God to do the “sandpapering”.
This became evident to me in 1998, when we were hiking in Colorado. I am usually the photographer, but Dana took a picture of me and the girls in front of Avery Peak in Crested Butte. And for some reason, as I stood behind them, I just reached out and did “bunny ears” behind them. No big deal, right? Except that when they found out they were shocked – I mean really shocked – saying things like “But you never do anything fun like that. Dad – sure. But not you.” And they were right.
That was perhaps the single most pivotal moment in my life. They didn’t say it to be mean. And I am forever grateful that they did say it. Because at that moment, I saw who I was, AND who I wanted to be. I wanted to be “fun mom”. To enjoy my girls.
Jeremiah 18:4-6 says “But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me. “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.”
I was that marred clay. I wouldn’t allow myself to be ‘turned’ by God. I didn’t even see the need. But thankfully, that day, He took me and started over and turned me into another pot. He did not discard me. He continued with that clay – and shaped me into something else. He REDEEMED me – He REDEEMED my past and my past behaviors.
Some time later, God gave me this promise in Isaiah 44:1-3 - this is MY paraphrase of what I heard God say:
“Listen, Connie, my servant. I have chosen you. I AM telling you – I made you. I formed you in the womb, and I will help you. Do not be afraid, Connie, whom I have chosen. Because I will “pour water on a thirsty land” and streams on dry ground (it will be so much that there will be run off). And I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring and my blessing on your descendants.”
Please know that I am not being overly critical of myself. I know who I was. And I know who I am now. Now I am the “Gwamma of Yes!” I no longer try to control those around me. And I do my best not to criticize or complain. I trust them completely to an Almighty God Who has promised to pour His Spirit upon them. What more could I want?
Hebrews 12:8-10 “If you are not disciplined— and everyone undergoes discipline— then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers [& mothers] who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.” (parenthesis & underline added)
I did the best I could at the time. It’s part of who I am – my growth as a child of God. My parents did the best they could. And my grandparents, too. My daughters do their best and are loving mothers. And my sons-in-love - - well, seriously, I couldn’t ask for better fathers to my grandbabies.
Your parents also did the best they could. And you are doing the best you can, too. None of us are perfect. No, not one. This is where we all say to the Potter – remake me as needed. This is where we find grace – grace enough to redeem our pasts. All of us.
Happy Mother’s Day, to all my fellow moms & especially to my daughters, who are strong, amazing women, and even more amazing mothers!